Be Still & Know That HE Is God

I think I've already shared this, but lately I've been struggling a lot with a big decision. A very big one. One that will, in many ways, determine my future, my family's future, and our quality of life for quite some time. I won't lie, I have struggled with so much anxiety and even weariness from the weight of this decision. My greatest anxiety has been that my husband and I will make the wrong decision, that we will be making a decision out of our will for our lives instead of the Lord's. I once heard someone say that the scariest place to be is outside God's will, and I agree with that completely. To me, this decision, like so many others in life, boils down to My Way, or God's Way. But what do you do when you don't know which way God's way is?

Therein lies my dilemma. I was born again nine months ago, so I'm a pretty new Christian. That makes this more challenging. I read The Word every day, I'm in church every week because I need to be, I worship, I try to create space and stillness in my mind for God to speak, and I seek counsel from my pastor, his wife, and great Christian friends, but ultimately I still struggle to trust that God is speaking to me. I look back over the past nine months and can easily pinpoint three times God was speaking to me. Should I assume, then, that God only speaks to me every three months? Of course not, how silly! God is speaking to me every day through other people, through His Word, through his Holy Spirit, through nature, through everything, if I only have eyes to see it! I pray now, every day, that he will give me eyes to see what he wants me to see that day, and ears to hear what he wants me to hear. I pray that He will reveal Himself, and His plan, to me each day. Then I usually just go back to my busy day of changing diapers, cooking meals, cleaning, and doing things with my son, taking spare moments to check my email or peruse Facebook, and somehow I still expect to hear from God in all that. Can I? Don't I need to create space for him?

I often feel like I'm talking "at" God all day, and that as soon as I'm done, I go back to what I was doing and never listen! I feel like I'm constantly telling Him what I need and then walking away before He has a chance to speak. That must be really disappointing to Jesus. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is only concerned with what he or she wants, what he or she needs, and what is going on in his or her life?! No one! Who would want to go to a coffee shop with someone, or talk on the phone with someone, who says everything then want to say and then hangs up without so much as a "Oh yeah, and how are you?" There is one person in my life right now who acts this way a lot and I struggle with it. She is very consumed with her own life and her own problems, seemingly too consumed to care about mine. I was literally just complaining to God about it this morning. Yet, when I finally went outside and spent sometime sitting under a tree, surrounded by the work of His hands, seeking Him, I feel like He put on my heart that I need to create space for Him to speak to me too. With this big decision I'm facing, and so many little ones throughout the day, I often feel like I'm not hearing anything from Him, that I'm praying for Him to speak and give me direction that I'm not getting.  But how can he speak when I'm never silent, when my mind is never still?

I think that this week, Jesus is trying to teach me that our relationship is not one-sided, or at least, it shouldn't be. Yes, He wants me to come to him with everything, EVERYTHING, as we see so many examples of in scripture (ei. "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you," 1 Peter 5:7 ), but He also wants us to just BE with him. Psalm 46:10 tells us to "Be still, and know that I am God." To me, this scripture says a lot. I am often talking to God, writing to Him, asking Him questions, and thanking Him for things, but very rarely am I still before Him. Very rarely do I stop everything I'm doing, even reading His Word, to just be still in his presence. To me, in a way, that scripture is the very answer to my question, or to any question. When we don't know what to do in any situation and we don't see where God is leading, maybe all we need to do is BE STILL, and KNOW that HE is God. He is, we aren't. Isn't that the point? Very often we won't know what he's doing. In Isaiah 55:8 the Lord says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." We can pray for wisdom, pray that He will reveal His will to us, but we also need to accept that we are not God and sometimes we just won't know. We need to trust that He is God and He knows what He's doing, even when we don't. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). This scripture says so much, but mostly I take from it that we won't always understand the way things happen here on Earth or what God is doing. Our understanding of things just doesn't match up with His. Also, with the current big decision sitting before my husband and I, it has become clear to us that one way will be very financially challenging for us but easier for us to keep focused on our church and how the Lord is calling us to serve Him, while the other will not. In the materialistic world of "want" and "get as much as you can" that we live in, it is clearly an easy choice. But for Christians living in this world, it's not. God will provide for us in ways we couldn't possibly see ahead of time or understand, if we feel he is leading us in that direction. However, just because I think God is leading us in one direction doesn't necessarily mean that He is. I see ministry opportunities and calls to service on both sides. I see pros and cons on both sides. Like I said, the weight of the choice has been waring on me but it doesn't have to! God reminds me in Matthew 6:26 that I don't need to worry! "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" If we continue reading he acknowledges some of the very things I worry about if we make one choice over the other, which is where we think God wants us but will make day to day living very tight: "So do not worry saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek FIRST His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:31-33). WOW! Very simply, I do not need to worry. God will take care of my needs if I put HIM first, and not myself. To me, this makes my choice very simple. One option will leave us relying on God completely, the other leaves us relying on ourselves. The decision isn't quite that simple though. The option that I think leaves us relying on ourselves might not be that at all. That option might be God providing for us. Since I'm not sure, I will keep praying for the Holy Spirit's guidance, I will keep seeking Jesus, and I will stay immersed in His Word.

Just today, sitting outside, the Lord led me to Psalm 139. I'm sure of it. Specifically, he pointed me to verse 7. "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." WOW. Praise God. I mean, seriously?! What an amazing reassurance that no matter what choice I make, no matter where I go, God not only knows right where I am, but He will have his hand on me, guiding me and holding me. That calms all my anxiety and fear right there. Yes, I ultimately want to make the decision that God wills me to make, and I need to trust that He will reveal that to me in His perfect timing and not mine, but I also need to remember that even if we choose the wrong thing, as we very often do, God's hand will still be on me and he will still guide me. That right there is an awesome, all-encompassing promise, and that is why the God we serve is so absolutely amazing.

No matter what decisions you are facing right now, no matter how much anxiety or fear your feel, remember to go to God with it. He knows every hair on your head and he knew you before you were made (Psalm 139:15). He wants you to cast all your anxiety on Him and he wants to lift you above it, but remember that you don't have to worry. He wants us all to seek Him and His righteousness first. No decision, big or small, comes before Him, even if we are trying to please him with it. He wants us to sit with Him, to be STILL before Him, and to take comfort and peace in knowing that HE is God. He knows what he's doing, even if you don't. Trust that He's leading you, even when you don't see it, and trust that he will speak to you if you'll only give Him the chance...